


nct gotta go get em

by yutaseieki



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: "jaehyun smells" - lee taeyong 2k19, "senior citizen mark lee" - jisung park 2k19, Dirty Jokes, Excessive Swearing, IM GONNA SOB I TRIED TO TAG INTERNET SLANG AND IT CAME UP WITH WRECK IT RALPH, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internet Slang, Language Kink, M/M, Masturbation, Sex Toys, austin and ally references, china line quotes vines, choking jokes, daddy kink jokes i guess, dreamies and ten share a dorm, exposing the nct hyungs, failing no nut november over the homescapes cat, furry jokes, hendery im lookin at u, hit or miss, homescapes, however, im cackling, johnny sings comeback, kun is Not Okay, kun repellent, mark is not allowed to be there, mark understands it but nobody else does, nct dream have a chapter!, oblivious taeyong, piss kink jokes, renjun makes everyone his bitches for 3 lines, sir kink jokes, slight johnny/yuta?? i guess, stray kids references!!, taeyong accidentally watched tentacle porn on the dorm tv! oopsie!, taeyong is One Horny Boy, ten is probably gonna die at the hands of taeyong, ten is there what do you expect, ten says the word funky, tentacle porn jokes, text fic, the following are only mentioned - Freeform, wayv dorm party time babey!, winwin bullies soccer players and yuta, winwin exposes yuta, winwin make bread, winwin speaks french, yuta use emojis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-05 08:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17321582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutaseieki/pseuds/yutaseieki
Summary: johnny creates a group chat for all 21 members of nct.chaos ensues.





	1. names

**Author's Note:**

> not all the members will appear in the same chapter!

(this is the names of each member)

taeil: austin.moon

johnny: papajohns

taeyong: tytrack

yuta: takoyaki.prince

kun: carbleader

doyoung: rope_bunny/rat_bastard

ten: bitch

jaehyun: breadboi

winwin: lets_winwin

jungwoo: uwuwu

lucas: sushi

mark: mork

xiaojun: xiao.wayv

hendery: henry

renjun: injun

jeno: jeno.nya

haechan: full.sun

jaemin: americano

yangyang: 🅱️rüder

chenle: lele

jisung: jisung_pwark


	2. owo, what's this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes i know i should be working on my other stories but this was fun

_**papajohns added tytrack and 19 others to the chat** _

**papajohns:** welcome!

**rope_bunny:** who

**rope_bunny:** made

**rope_bunny:** this

**rope_bunny:** my

**rope_bunny:**  name

**bitch:** :)

**lele:** sorry whats a rope bunny

**_several people are typing..._ **

**papajohns:** cHANGE IT R I G H T N O W

**bitch:** NO

**breadboi:** DONT WORRY I GOT A SHITTY NAME TOO

**rope_bunny:** aT LEAST EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOURS MEANS???

**jisung_pwark:** yeah uh wtf is a rope bunny

_**bitch has changed rope_bunny's name to rat_bastard** _

**rat_bastard:** you know what? ill take it

**lele:** uh

**lele:** i googled it

**lele:** T A E Y O N G ? K U N ? YALL THERE???

**carbleader:** TEN

**carbleader:** im omw to piss in your shoes

**bitch:** thats so ominous?? thank you??

**rat_bastard:** ten wh

**papajohns:** hey ten

**bitch:** hi johnny

**papajohns:** >:)

_**bitch has left the chat** _

**papajohns:** GET BACK HERE RAT

_**papajohns has added bitch to the chat** _

**bitch:** you're a fuckign r a t

**papajohns** : i didnt say anything bro

**bitch:** but you were thinking it, bro

**carbleader:** ive been lurking and uh

**carbleader:** i dont think i should piss in tens shoes anymore

**bitch:** no i swear its not what it looks like

**carbleader:** then?? what is it??

**bitch:** @ tytrack is a furry

**breadboi:** you're

**breadboi:** you're not wrong

**bitch:** LMAO SHIT RLLY

**tytrack:** what is this and who tagged me

**bitch:** _Y E E T_

_**bitch has left the chat** _

_**breadboi has left the chat** _

**tytrack:** you motherfucks are getting strangled

_**tytrack has added bitch and breadboi to the chat** _

**breadboi:** good.

**mork:** stop exposing?? yourselves?? fuckers??

**bitch:** in my defense

**bitch:** johnny exposed me

**papajohns:** i didnt say anything 😔✊

_austin.moon is online_

**papajohns:** TEN

**papajohns:** HES HERE

**bitch:** LMAOOOO

**austin.moon:** i hate a l l of you

**lele:** fuckifndkjcbhjsdkjghvxjksnbhjvgnchvjhkjln,gvfhdsfhjklm,.nbvghfcds

**lele:** h

**carbleader:** u good there lele?

**lele:** FUCIMJFGN BITCH TEN JOHNNY YOU GUYS WOU L D

**lele:** austin moon was my middle school crush 😔✊

**papajohns:** you're still in middle school along with @ jisung_pwark

**jisung_pwark:** motherfucker bitch fuck you die instantly go commit death begone THOT

**lele:** friendship ended with @ papajohns

**lele:** @ jisung_pwark is my new best friend

**takoyaki.prince:** of course i support "mens rights!"

**takoyaki.prince:** MENS RIGHTS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

**papajohns:** IM GONNA HAVE A STROK,E IS THAT YUTA OR WINWIN OR???

**takoyaki.prince:** yall uh

**takoyaki.prince:** werent supposed to know about us

**papajohns:** yeah uh we can literally all hear you

**bitch:** yeah whos topping

**lele:** wh

**carbleader:** ten.

**carbleader:** piss kink or not im gonna fucking pee in your closet if you don't stop saying weird shit

**americano:** YOURE NOT GONNA DO THAT

**jeno.nya:** HE LIVES IN OUR DORM

**injun:** anyone??? got kun repellent???

**full.sun:** QUICK

**full.sun:** NCT DREAM WERE GOING TO PUT A BARRIER UP

**jisung_pwark:** kun is legally NOT allowed in our dorm

**bitch:** yeah kun if you come near us im gonna fucking snatch your toes

**carbleader:** i??? am so?????? done??????? b y e

**takoyaki.prince:** its me topping, btw

**takoyaki.prince:** f o r n o w


	3. uwu whats this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the new bois are FINALLY here

**xiao.wayv:** is this a normal occurrence here

**tytrack:** *deep sigh* yes it is

**bitch:** only furries use asterisks like that 😔✊

**tytrack:** stop calling me a furry @bitch

**bitch:** no??

**henry:** please shut up im playing homescapes

**bitch:** LMAO FUCKING HOMESCAPES??? old man

**henry:** had it not been for the laws of this land, i would have slaughtered you

  **lets_winwin:** wow the ONE time im alone you fucks blow up the chat

**henry:** sis i know how u feel

**tytrack:** @lets_winwin just mute the chat

**tytrack:** wait wheres yuta

**lets_winwin:** with johnny

**lets_winwin:** said they were online shopping for me and ten??

**bitch:** oooh i stan

**🅱️rüder:** what do yall think ur gonna get??

**_bitch has kicked injun, jeno.nya, full.sun, americano, 🅱️rüder, lele and jisung_pwark from the chat_ **

**lets_winwin:** why did you kick them all

**bitch:** kun and taeyong WILL murder me

**tytrack:** rat bitch yes i will

**bitch:** anyway im 99% sure theyre buying us sex toys @ lets_winwin

**lets_winwin:** uhg what??

**tytrack:** pLEASE DO YOU AND JOHNNY NOT HAVE ENOUGH??

**bitch:** how do you know how many we have-

**tytrack:** i room with johnny

**tytrack:** the amount of times i have walked into my room and seen either him by himself or both of you with a different  _thing_ shoved up your ass tells me you have more than enough

**bitch:**...how many times

**tytrack:** at least 12

**lets_winwin:** is this why you sometimes just lock yourself in the bathroom-

**tytrack:** uh no?? i might be a horny bitch but i do NOT get turned on watching ten get fucked

**breadboi:** y'all have no idea  _just_ how horny he gets sometimes smh

**tytrack:** i APOLOGISED for what i did

**bitch:** what did he do

**lets_winwin:** what did he do

**xiao.wayv:** what did he do

**breadboi:** sat on my dick whilst i was asleep and then he fucked my mouth

**bitch:** sweetie...

**bitch:** do u wanna borrow smth from me and johnny

**tytrack:** no id rather buy my own jesus ten

**xiao.wayv:** guys help

**bitch:** wussup b

**xiao.wayv:** i can hear winwin i wanna die

**henry:** wear headphones??

**henry:** or play homescapes

**bitch:** lmao whats he doin

**xiao.wayv:** i think hes jacking off help

**bitch:** well that makes TWO of us

**xiao.wayv:** when will yuta and johnny return from the war

**takoyaki.prince:** lmao we weren't online shopping??

**papajohns:** we were talking about winwin and ten 

**xiao.wayv:** were yall jacking off too

**takoyaki.prince:** yes?? 

**papajohns:** have u never jacked off with ur friends

**xiao.wayv:** WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT SHSDJDJD

**bitch:** new rule for the wayv dorm

**bitch:** once i move in, which is this friday, everyone except yangyang is invited to a party where we all jack off together

**bitch:** sound good @carbleader @lets_winwin @sushi @xiao.wayv @henry ?

**carbleader:** ten die

**sushi:** sure! sounds fun

**xiao.wayv:** id?? literally rather die

**henry:** please fuck off i just wanna play homescapes

**bitch:** fine im gonna add the kids back no more talking about jacking off together

**_bitch has added injun, jeno.nya, full.sun, americano, 🅱️rüder, lele and jisung_pwark to the chat_ **

**🅱️rüder:** YOU RAT FINALLY ** _  
_**

**lele:** he called us all and asked if we got kicked too

**injun:** ten you have explaining to do

**bitch:** it was grown up talk!!

**injun:** i can understand kicking lele and jisung

**jeno.nya:** BUT WHY US

**bitch:** nct dream = children

**americano:** oh rlly

**jeno.nya:** ok @americano @injun we know what to do

**bitch:** taeyong spare me


	4. tu es un oeuf, mais tu es MON oeuf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title means "you are an egg, but you are MY egg"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if 7, going on 8, years of french class has taught me anything it is how to give questionable insults

**papajohns:** im sad

**uwuwu:** why :(

**papajohns:** ten is going to china tomorrow

**papajohns:** like ofc im happy for him!! but im gonna miss him

**bitch:** im,,, touched?? johnny ur too cUte

**tytrack:** i, for one, am not going to miss ten

**bitch:** dw ill still be on the group chat reminding everyone you're a furry!!

**tytrack:** and ill be reminding everyone you've got a piss kink, rat

**bitch:**...

**bitch:** that was never confirmed

**takoyaki.prince:** aww dont worry johnny!! ill give u cuddles and help u if u rlly miss ten ;)

**bitch:** back the  _fuck_ up sir

**lets_winwin:** only i get to call him sir smh die

**lets_winwin:** also??????? whAT DO YOU MEAN "HELP"

**takoyaki.prince:** dont be rude winwin

**takoyaki.prince:** he will join us

**uwuwu:** i hate this chat :(

**sushi:** bully jungwoo and i break your kneecaps

**uwuwu:** no!! theyre bullying each other :(

**sushi:** oh

**sushi:** well! dont be rude

**jisung_pwark:** why the fuck am i here again

**lets_winwin:** to die

**bitch:** winwins just mad @xiao.wayv exposed him 😔✊

**austin.moon:** dont be rude to the dreamies

**austin.moon:** speaking of them

**austin.moon:** @tytrack werent u supposed to be killing ten for provoking them?

**tytrack:** yes im omw

**tytrack:** i mean i guess i could also put those three in time out but eh

**bitch:** wait what i do

**jisung_pwark:** you scarred lele and i

**tytrack:** you called them children and then they went at it!! you fuck!!

**bitch:** i think you mean..

**tytrack:** dont say it.

**bitch:** they fuck

**tytrack:** johnny im so sorry for your imminent loss

**rat_bastard:** oh no, ten is going to die, a tragedy, how terrible,

**bitch:** ur two commas away from getting BLOCKED

**rat_bastard:** ,,

**bitch:** anyway you can't murder me because i didn't consent to it

**breadboi:** taeyong has no problem doing things people haven't consented to

_**several people are typing...** _

**_tytrack has renamed the chat "jaehyun smells"_ **

**breadboi:** DSHSJDSJKS WH

**bitch:** wHEEZE

**tytrack:** I APOLOGISED ARE YOU E V E R LETTING ME LIVE IT DOWN

**breadboi:** ill let u if u do one lil thing for me

**bitch:** what u gonna do *dances* what u gonna do

**tytrack:** "oNlY fUrRiES uSe AsTeRiKs LiKe ThAt"

**bitch:** listen here sis we've already e s t a b l i s h e d that you're the furry here

**breadboi:** why the fuck does the china line always quote shitty vines

**bitch:** god tier*

**carbleader:** world is a fuck, your only choice is to die

**xiao.wayv:** thats not a fucking vine

**xiao.wayv:** THIS is a fucking vine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87GUSKlanB0

**bitch:** d-daddy? @papajohns

**papajohns:** thanks! i hate it @tytrack when are you gonna murder him

**uwuwu:** you're all one kink away from getting stabbed

**bitch:** kinky!

**sushi:** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

**carbleader:** im going to fuckinffggf decimate your blood lines

**injun:** stupid im not gone let you get the CHANCE

**mork:** Y'ALL ARE MESSIER THAN JOHNNY AND TENS BEDSHEETS WHAT THE FUCK

**lets_winwin:** hey guys wanna know more of yutas kinks

**bitch:** not really! please continue!

**lets_winwin:** he told me it's hot when i speak french so i said "tu es un œuf" 

**lets_winwin:** mark ur canadian i assume u understand

**mork:** SJDSJJDS THIS IS THE ONLY KINK ILL ACCEPT

**takoyaki.prince:** what does it mean

**lets_winwin:** :)

**takoyaki.prince:** pleas tell me i didnt nut over something stupid

**mork:** BRB SOBBIGN FUCUFJFMFD

**lets_winwin:** im gonna cook tonight

**takoyaki.prince:** ooo whatchu cooking

**lets_winwin:**...

**lets_winwin:** eggs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that egg thing is smth thats happened to me actually. with my ex gf, she told me to speak french cause it sounded hot so i said 'tu es un oeuf' haha if ur reading this perish


	5. simon says die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nct dream get the chapter they deserve!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know it's a tiktok not a vine dont @ me  
> i had to clown yuta somehow

**🅱️rüder:** ugh yall rats

**🅱️rüder:** obviously the superior vine is the...

**🅱️rüder:** h i t  o r  m i s s ?

**lele:** I GUESS THEY NEVER MISS HUH?

**injun:** you got a boyfriend

**henry:**  i bet he doesnt kiss ya!

**xiao.wayv:** he gone find another girl and he wont miss ya!

**carbleader:** he gone skrrt then hit the dab like wiz khalifa

**lets_winwin:**...

**lets_winwin:** you play with them balls like its fifa @takoyaki.prince

**takoyaki.prince:** donate to stop winwin bullying literal soccer players today!!

**tytrack:** cant you guys go ONE (1) day without talking about dicks

**americano:** i havent been here,,, for two d a ys

**jeno.nya:** NCT DREAM TIME EVERYONE GET OUT

**full.sun:** fucking f i n a l l y

**jisung_pwark:** are we finally getting the nct dream chapter we DESERVE

**mork:** hello! i too am nct dream member!!

**injun:** mark sweetie....

**lele:** mark im sobbifgn you cant be here

**mork:** what

**full.sun:** I CANT BELIEVE MARK LEE IS FUCKING  _DEAD_

**mork:** wh

**americano:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjibQxmmXRQ&list=LLwm7aekM6iGRc9xDwI8zxEw&t=0s&index=15 

**americano:** us @ mark

**mork:** that doesnt even make sENSE

**jisung_pwark:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4_a6x48n_Y&list=LLwm7aekM6iGRc9xDwI8zxEw&index=23

**jisung_pwark:** me dancing in front of senior citizen mark lee

**_mork has left the chat_ **

**🅱️rüder:** hi!! can i join?

**injun:** youre on thin fucking ice sir

**jeno.nya:** dont say that

**injun:** what? sir?

**jeno.nya:** YOURE GONNA FUCKTNF SUMMON YUTA DONT-

**injun:** my apologies. 

**injun:** youre on thin fucking ice daddy

**americano:** im cryign who did this to renjun

**injun:** you and jeno :) but ten too i guess

**carbleader:** as your leader i will personally shatter tens elbows :)

**tytrack:** top 10 anime betrayals

**🅱️rüder:** i uh what

**full.sun:** wait guys

**full.sun:** kun now that ten doesn't live with us we are all letting you pee in his closet

**bitch:** fuck shit fuck uh funky! 

**bitch:** JOHNNY hELP @papajohns 

**injun:** yo ten make me an admin for a sec

**_bitch has given admin status to injun_ **

**_injun has removed admin status from bitch and papajohns_ **

**_injun has kicked bitch, tytrack, papajohns and takoyaki.prince from the chat_ **

**injun:** youre my bitches now >:)

**full.sun:** thats bs

**full.sun:** remove everyone or youre invalid

**_injun has kicked austin.moon and 8 others from the chat_ **

**americano:** FUCK YEAH NCT DREAM CHAT

**jeno.nya:** NOW WE CAN DO WHAT WE W A N T

**jisung_pwark:** confession i wanna kiss chenle

**lele:** confession i dont mind

**jeno.nya:** confession i wanna go hide in renjun and jaemins room

**full.sun:** take me with you please

**jeno.nya:** no

**jeno.nya:** simon says listen and die

**americano:** who wants to expose the hyungs for stupid shit theyve done

**🅱️rüder:** say i

**jeno.nya:** i

**full.sun:** i

**injun:** i

**americano:** i can literally hear chenle and jisung smooching so they dont have to answer

**🅱️rüder:** i heard smth weird going on outside in the wayv dorm last night but when i tried to open my room door it was blocked?? so i texted xiaojun right and he didnt respond for like an hour

**jeno.nya:** omg scary

**full.sun:** i heard johnny and who im assuming was ten talking on the phone but taeyong burst in and said "why are you singing comeback" i wheezed

**injun:** why WAS he singing comeback tho

**full.sun:** he wasnt

**full.sun:** one of the lyrics is "oh baby come" sjsjds

**americano:** great! once i saw winwin making bread

**jeno.nya:** why is that stupid shit

**americano:** idk but i dont have any concerning stories like the rest of yall

**injun:** how are you forgetting the time taeyong was apparently watching some tentacle porn or some shit in the bathroom but his phone was connected to the dorm tv and it started blaring

**jeno.nya:** I REMEMBER THAT AHJSAHS DIDNT HE DROP HIS PHONE IN THE BATH WHEN DOYOUNG OR TAEIL OR JAEHYUN STARTED BANGING ON THE DOOR

**injun:** yES MARK TOLD ME

**jeno.nya:** oh yeah and didnt yuta try and do the same thing later on but as a competition or something?? 

**full.sun:** ah yes, that got the entirety of the nct 127 dorm to start blaring their really weird porn choices on the dorm tv! and thats when i fUCKING MOVED BACK HERE!

**🅱️rüder:** hendery failed no nut november over the homescapes cat

**americano:** how do yall KNOW THIS SHIT

**🅱️rüder:** i walked in as he was mid nut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of those random things near the end? i actually wanna write some of them lol


	6. shoot me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wayv dorm party time was a mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sowwy i didnt upwoad for awmost a month!! pwease fowgive me!!

**_injun added tytrack and 13 others to the chat_ **

**_injun has given admin status to bitch, papajohns and tytrack_ **

**bitch:** fUCK YOU RENJUN

 **🅱️rüder:** why the frickity frack were there noises going on outside AGAIN last night!!

 **sushi:** hes caught on lads @bitch @carbleader @xiao.wayv @henry @lets_winwin

 **carbleader:** im cryign wayv dorm parttyy time babey!!

 **takoyaki.prince:** wow yall ACTUALLY had the party?? 

 **takoyaki.prince:** im gonna go play with johnny f u c k you winwin

 **papajohns:** woah there friend you might need to slow down

**_bitch has removed admin status from injun_ **

**americano:** twas worth it while it lasted 

 **lele:** GUYS

 **lele:** WHO TOOK THAT PHOTO OF ME AND JISUNG I-

 **jeno.nya:** we found him in you i guess??

 **jisung_pwark:** THE SONG GOES "i found me in you" C O W A R D

 **lele:** shoot me 🤪

 **jisung_pwark:** im ok so if u wanna hurt me babey jus hurt me!!

 **injun:** WDYM "WE" YOU DID THIS @jeno.nya

 **jeno.nya:** yall were there tho 😪😪

 **tytrack:** IM SORRY W H A T  H A P P E N E D

 **tytrack:** what yall do - jaehyun

 **lele:** whats jaehyun doin g there shdjhds

 **tytrack:** from what weve gathered

 **tytrack:** the same thing as lele and jisung!!

 **tytrack:** yall finna die - jaehyun

 **takoyaki.prince:** jaehyun a yeehaw

 **tytrack:** ill fuck you into next week b i t c h - jaehyun

 **takoyaki.prince:** normally id say no but since wayv dorm party time went down tWICE\

 **takoyaki.prince:** come over bby 😘

 **tytrack:** can i come too im jaehyuns man

 **takoyaki.prince:** yes

 **takoyaki.prince:** i also invite johnny @papajohns 

 **lele:** what is going on

 **takoyaki.prince:** you're not invited

 **lele:** wdym not invited

 **tytrack:** lele is legally obliged to fuck off

 **jisung_pwark:** whats wayv dorm party time

 **carbleader:** h

 **full.sun:** is wayv dorm party time what yangyangs been hearing???

 **🅱️rüder:** oh n o

 **🅱️rüder:** i think so!!

 **bitch:** we locked your door for a reason, rat

 **bitch:** also johnny if ur gonna have a foursome with jaeyong and yuta

 **bitch:** record it and send it to me uwu!! @papajohns 

 **papajohns:** let! it! die!

 **bitch:** no!

 **takoyaki.prince:** johnny im outside ur room rn

 **papajohns:** u g h

 **tytrack:** HEY WHAT NO DONT START WITHOUT US - jaehyun

 **tytrack:** WERE ON OUR WAY RIGHT N OW

 **takoyaki.prince:** 😘🤣😩🤠

 **carbleader:** it  _might_ be time to leave sisters!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stray kids references in memory of my heart when i was told i couldnt go to the sydney concert!!


End file.
